I notice Father Christmas is here today, so I’ve given it some thought and come up with some presents he could give to the lads on Tuesday morning. So here goes:
To Neil Sullivan — a slim fast project because he’s always getting stick about his weight.
To Mauricio Taricco and Gus Poyet — a special intercom device which allows them to speak to each other without everyone else having to hear them yapping away in Spanish.
To Les Ferdinand — yet more female admirers because he hasn’t got enough!!
To Steffen Freund and Christian Ziege — some relaxing pills to calm them down after worrying about Germany not reaching the World Cup Finals and to Dean Richards, a few pills to liven him up because he’s the most laid back man I know.
To Chris Perry — anything, just as long as it stops him from constantly moaning!
To Simon Davies — some golf lessons because I’m fed up of taking a week's wages from him every time we play.
To Sergei Rebrov — a Cockney phrase book because he’s getting the hang of all the slang used in the dressing room.
To Stephen Carr — a box of the finest cigars because he’s sitting back and taking it easy at the moment, walking around the place as if he’s the gaffer.
To Gary Doherty and Ledley King — driving lessons because they must spend a fortune on cabs.
To Kasey Keller — a crash course in Japanese and Korean to go with his repertoire of languages for next summer.
To Steffen Iversen — a lorry load of Norwegian snuff for him to shove up his gums. (How he ever pulls, the lads are mystified!)
To Oyvind Leonhardsen — a loudspeaker so the lads can hear him because he never says a word in training.
To Stephen Clemence — a video of Dream Team so he doesn’t have to rush home after training to see his ‘future wife’.
To Ledley, Alton Thelwell and Anthony Gardner — perhaps Santa could give them back their costumes because I’m sure they were the Three Degrees during the 70s.
To Chris Armstrong — a little bit of luck since he’s had none at all over the last few years.
To Goran Bunjevcevic — two tickets to Phantom of the Opera so he can see what he looked like in his face mask.
And maybe Father Christmas could just let Tim Sherwood know that Liverpool, Arsenal, Coventry and Derby are all interested in him since they’re the only clubs that he hasn’t been linked with recently.
Finally, to the manager — a new hairdryer so he doesn’t have to share with Darren Anderton — his son — the one they’ve got at their house before they leave home for training every morning!
I’m sure Santa can put together that little lot for me to make sure all the squad have a very Merry Christmas.
On a final note, the players had our Christmas party on Tuesday, when we flew out to Dublin for the evening. The senior members were quite reserved on the night because we’ve got a lot of fixtures coming up, but the youngsters let their hair down.
They were ‘looked after’ by Ben Thatcher and a few of them came off a little bit worse for wear and suffered the consequences. Most notable victims were Johnnie Jackson, Steven Ferguson, James Quilter and Gavin Kelly, who ended up looking as white as snow not only for the evening but the return trip as well!
Enjoy the game and once again, have a great Christmas.
Merry Christmas everyone. I thought this week I’d take a break from my usual column to enjoy a bit of light-hearted, festive fun.